tw: suicide
I look a little too long for her too respond. She looked around the dark room in a daze. Carpets, a chair, a bed. She was on the pink bed, a style choice she regretted from the 5th grade. The walls plastered with posters from concerts she had been in.
"I-I-I love you too--" she cried profusely, tears enveloped other tears as they fell down her cheeks and onto her naked thighs.
"Please just stop. Please stop. Please I love yo--"
"I know." She said, "I'm so stupid--"
"No you're not--"
"I'm sorry."
The room started spinning for her. "I'm so sorry..." she said.
She looked down at her arm, drenched in her own blood and the carved lines of pain.
She looked up at the blurred image of her boyfriend walking from the doorway walking toward her naked blood drenched body. Why did I done this naked? It's so embarrassing now. She thought.
She leaned backwards and saw the ceiling light come in to the top of her vision and then exit to the bottom.
She felt her head hit the pillow.
She heard the faint sound of someone say "call 911!" over the drums of blood pounding in her ears.
And then she slept
She went in and out of consciousness seeing her boyfriend sob over her, and the paramedics pulling him aside so he would stop trying to shake her awake.
When she finally woke fully the environment was entirely different. There were white curtains all around her and an empty chair lay on its side with a boy leaning against it, sleeping. The lights above her were rectangular and yellow. She imagined it was a landing pad at an airport and lifted her hand like a plane upwards, soaring through the sky. Only to find an IV situated calmly in her wrist. That was okay. It was next to many white lines in her skin. What's another scar. She thought.
She heard the chair screech loudly and the boys head hit the floor.
She sighed, "I'm awake." she whispered.
"Fay?" Said the boy. He stood up, rushing, and tripped. Falling and hitting his head.
He got up. Across his forehead stood a line of blood. "Oh thank god you're awake Fay."
She continued to look at the ceiling, but started to cry.
"Life just--"
"Stop, I know, you just can't ever--"
"I just couldn't go on living like that..."
Silence.
"I know it sucked--sucks. And I am sorry--"
"It isn't your fault"
"But I am, and I wish I could do more. I just..." And he started to cry "Damn it! I just want to know what I can do, okay? Tell me what to do. I don't want to--I can't lose you."
"You can't save me I am lost I am a looser I am done."
"Your right, I can't save you forever. But I will try until I go down with you in a fiery death with lazer guns and shit in the 30th century due to medical advances. Okay Fay, will you do that for me?"
She laughed and her arm hurt. A single giggle really.
"Depression just sucks okay." She said
"Life sucks." He said
maybe to be continued?
P.S. This is not meant to condone suicide just to be whatever it is.
P.S. This is not meant to condone suicide just to be whatever it is.
this is just beautiful :')
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