Locomotive Verse

Locomotive Verse

The greatest scenes of American depravity live on the edge
delighting in various obscenities by train tracks
in battered tents, accompanied by stray cats, chickens
and hens and graffiti murals for shining obsidian stories
for those with nothing left.

Same train that spelled the end for me many months ago
thrums on peacefully and the name the rhythm of the tracks
keeps pounding my head again and again
and there in spray paint I see again and again
the name of the man who shakes my hand
again and again.

An angel of mercy or behemoth of misfortune the bright light
beast of horns in the fog and rumbling accusations tumbling
through the night forcefully proceeding to deliver me from evil
I consume in restless guilt under lamp lights and under sheets
under shrink confessions and suicidal tendencies
I seek to self destruct out of being.

I don’t quite know the game fate is playing and fate
you leave me ecstatic and unprepared.
There are no rules.
I can’t remember the last time I met someone who thought
it was fun
to watch a game that’s fair.

It’s unfair that the memories won’t leave me alone
because I’m so sick and tired of relapsing
and the poems don’t come so easily
so I’m sitting along and looking out the window
and re-evaluating that couch that passed awhile ago
and the young lovers who sat there
perhaps holding hands
or more likely looking for stray coins underneath the cushions.

I saw another pair of varsity lovers
in the frigid New York state winter once on a playground
clutching each other on a sleeping Big Spinner;
they seemed to stare in awe up at the unimpressive slate sky
and voice fears to one another as they held each other tight.

We are not the brave conquistadors of a brand new age
and we are not young and wild because our terrors are abated
we do not ride the bronze horse of invincibility
and I dare say hope is a rare commodity;
it’s about time you stop pretending we sing about
sex, drugs, and disappointment
because that’s our idea of entertainment.

I wish I could write a set of words that finally speaks to us.
I wish I could get rid of you worried looks.
I wish I could keep the train from running off the tracks
like it does in my head.
I wish we didn’t go out of our minds because of our obsession
with whatever disappointment comes next.
I reject these hypotheses.
Relay or delay, I choose to believe this train means the best.